


but the republic didn’t say it was fine

by onetimelessdesire



Category: B.A.P
Genre: M/M, Twilight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:27:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23278582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onetimelessdesire/pseuds/onetimelessdesire
Summary: It is quite hilarious to think back, how naïve Yongguk was to once believe that he had the chance to win. Youngjae was the one to decide the winner, which he himself even did not know. But Yongguk think even if he had known, it still would not change.Bang Yongguk is still a loser, over Kim Himchan.Or to be short, Yongguk does want to get over his heartbreak. But by get over, he doesn’t mean falling in love again. And definitely not with a vampire. And absolutely not a vampire from the Volturri Clan.(The Twilight Saga: Film Series AU, set at the end of Eclipse and the beginning of Breaking Dawn)
Relationships: Bang Yongguk/Jung Daehyun
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	but the republic didn’t say it was fine

**Author's Note:**

> reposted, with a few edits.

######  _“I’m just like you. I enjoy the forbidden fruits in life, too.”_ _  
_ _— Mike Tyson_

It is still winter, cold and snowy and windy, but Yongguk questions himself if Forks’ weather has ever been different than that.

It seems like once upon a time, winter had came across this small peaceful town. Then time stopped, and Forks was stuck in this cold season for eternity. Yongguk can not decide whether that is an imaginary fairytale; or a real curse.

Forget it. Yongguk sighs, kicking a small stone on the road. He is just thinking nonsense again. That habit becomes quite frequent these days, since Yongguk starts to feel a bit suffocated; whether he is at home, surrounded by his pack, or when he texts randomly with Youngjae, the feeling just stays firm in his heart, refusing to fade away. It is like something has devoured an inner part of him away, leaving an empty hole that can not be filled. Sometimes he finds it hard to breathe, too.

It is not that he hates Forks; he has always been fond of this town, damp and quiet and lovely, just matching exactly what he needs. And so does the pack. He loves his small supernatural family, with that Junhong kid always admires him (as if he was “the second Taha Aki”—Junhong once said so, and Yongguk just shrugged the words off, hoping the kid one day would stop appreciating and comparing him to heroes Yongguk knew he would never be able to be one of); with the brothers always respecting and supporting him wholeheartedly. And so does Youngjae—

Yongguk breathes out another sigh. Youngjae. Well, Youngjae is another complete different story.

—

The Forest lying at the edge of Forks is dark and misty. For years, it has been embracing the town with silence and mysterious sounds from creatures that are believed to be wild animals hunting. Yongguk’s foot are dipped in thick snow, but he manages to pass and steps into the maze. A broken tree blocks Yongguk’s way, but he easily jumps over it to keep walking.

It is just another lonely December day in Forks, and Yongguk is just escaping. Normally, he never thinks The Forest will be a nice place to run to, despite its peacefulness, almost gloominess. He can just kill the loneliness by going out with Junhong, or once upon a time, with Youngjae. But sometimes, Yongguk finds loneliness hard to kill. That hollow part inside him even whispers not to kill it. And then Yongguk runs away from what creates it.

That is it. He runs away from Forks, from _Youngjae_.

That different story about Youngjae is the reason why Yongguk hardly ever goes to The Forest again. Here engraves so many memories about The War, which has just happened a month ago. Yongguk is surprised at the fact it has just been one month passing by since the battle. The road he is taking used to be an exit for him and Youngjae for the latter’s safety.

And yes, there was Himchan, too.

And yes, The Forest — for years, it has been embracing the town with silence and mysterious sounds from creatures that are believed to be wild animals hunting. But Yongguk just likes to admit the truth, it is the haven for people like him. Supernatural creatures. From the holy warriors called shape shifters, which is Yongguk’s Quileute Tribe, to those varmints — _vampires_.

To be honest, before Yongguk became a shape shifter, he never believed in vampires. He had been the one telling Youngjae the legend, and he laughed after it. _It is not real_ , he remembered telling Youngjae that, _just some lame jokes of my Tribe. Really, you think that will ever happen to us?_

Shit, it _did_ happen to Yongguk and Youngjae. Months later—no, _days later_.

—

When he first woke up from the pain, Yongguk used to think this was the end of the world; he was living in the Afterlife. No one could ever bear such pain. But then, Sam came by his bed, solemnly announced that he was a shape shifter, another new descendant of the Quileute Tribe, and Yongguk’s whole peaceful life was screwed up. 

But if that had happened only to Yongguk, he would have been fine with it. And then there was Youngjae, who happened to be Yongguk’s old friend. Who also happened to have fallen in love with Kim Himchan, the son of the Kim family living in Forks. And unfortunately, the Kim family is a group of vampires who used to sign a peace contract with his Tribe, who Yongguk is supposed to be against and having no business involved unless temporary circumstances, end of fucking story.

Extra one: Yongguk also loved him too. Loves, actually. Extra two: Youngjae has rejected him, with a soft voice and soothing words, but Yongguk felt like it was an iron fist in a velvet glove. Now Yongguk can decide clearly — this is a damn curse, for no doubt.

Just months ago, the Kim family had came to his Tribe searching for help. It was about a vampire, a woman named Victoria. She came back to seek for revenge, and she aimed at Youngjae as the main target. Himchan was the one convincing him. In spite of Yongguk’s unspoken grudge against the vampire, Yongguk had to agree. For the sake of his pack, which was also endangered by Victoria’s Newborn Army.

And for the sake of Youngjae, particularly. He specially kept that to himself, deciding never telling anyone. But as time passed through, the secret was slowly recognized. Himchan was the first to realize it. _I won’t give up_ , he once said to Yongguk so, in a private chat, with his lips pressed and and an eyebrow raised. _And if you don’t, then this is the war between us_.

It is quite hilarious to think back, how naïve Yongguk was to once believe that he had the chance to win. Youngjae was the one to decide the winner, which he himself even did not know. But Yongguk think even if he had known, it still would not change.

Bang Yongguk is still a loser, over Kim Himchan.

The bitter thought clenches his heart, and Yongguk gulps. The Forest used to be a battlefield, a messy one between vampires and vampires, with his Tribe involved. He never had the chance to witness the notorious Volturri, a vampire clan that is somehow the ruler of the vampire world, according to Himchan. But then, he was hurt quite badly because of Junhong’s uncautiousness and he never really cared about anything but Youngjae’s safety. Then Youngjae went to see him, all safe and sound, and the Volturri was wiped off Yongguk’s mind.

His mind is wandering as his foot taking small steps around the Forest, an aimless promenade mending his memories about the past days. The sun has hidden somewhere behind the cloud, only leaving fragile stray sunshine on black bare trees. Yongguk can even see his breaths under the light, like smoke emitting from his burned heart. He is not going to blame Youngjae to be the culprit creating the fire anyway.

—

Sometimes, Yongguk really does not like his wolf senses much.

After he was turned, Yongguk thinks he has became restless. His senses always seem to be on the alert all the time. Especially when The War happened, he could smell stinks from those ruthless monsters despite sleeping. It was inconvenient, to be honest. Putting aside the only advantage is that he can easily detect the danger anytime, all about this gifted ability is uncomfortable. 

And now he is going to prove that thought is true; The Forest is just like Forks, it does not let Yongguk alone. There are _always_ troubles waiting for him.

As he continues rambling deeper inside The Forest, Yongguk suddenly hears a small sound coming from behind him. Then he smells stink.

Now that is quite a walk.

Yongguk lowers himself, ready to transform anytime. His wolf nature screams tocsin, and Yongguk _knows_. Danger. The stink smell only means _danger_. The Forest around him is dark and desolate, but there is someone here. Yongguk is not alone. There is definitely someone around here, hiding inside the thin fog, behind the woods, cold and intimidating as they have always been. _Vampires_.

Only vampires smell stink. Yongguk never forgets how his enemies smell like. He notices this time, the fetor is a bit different; it is lighter than the Kim Family’s, but lingering longer. Yongguk realizes it is not from the vampires in Forks. Someone new. Maybe a wandering vampire stepping into Forks for the first time, possibly hunting for blood. Yongguk’s hands clutch into a fist. He remembers Victoria’s Army, killing almost half teenagers in Forks viciously. Too many funerals, too much sadness. He is not going to let it happen, ever again.

There is a crack sound, from the woods in front of him. Like someone stepping on branches, and Yongguk’s eyes flash gold. The stink is becoming stronger. The stranger must be approaching closer to him. Maybe it has realized its enemy too. The atmosphere is heavy and malicious, predicting an inevitable fight. There is no way out.

And finally, the stranger comes into sight. A boy. Very young and way smaller than Yongguk.

Yongguk is not surprised. No, a vampire’s appearance never surprises him. He has learned by heart its basic display: pale, almost white and smooth skin, perfect beauty with wild aura, red eyes reflecting its uncontrolled and blood-thirsty inner side. In the case of the Kim Family, since they always hunt animals for blood, their eyes are gold. But this stranger’s eyes are pure crimson, so he is definitely not one of them. He is wearing a black cloak, pulling down to his feet. The hood is lowered behind his back, exposing his beautiful face, with brown hair and full lips and straight nose. His skin is unique, a mixture of white and olive, making him not so pale like other vampires that Yongguk used to confront with. Yongguk notices a small beauty mark on his lower eyelid, which he find rather strange. Not many vampires have such unusual shred of normal looking like that. Vampires always seem perfect, like fallen angels. This boy, he seems like a hybrid. There are lots of human remnants on his front.

But the boy cannot be human. His smell says so. Yongguk silently laughs at himself, at how absent-minded he is to have forgotten about what he was taught about these creatures: they are liars. Lulling people into delusions, then killing the shit out of them. Warriors like him are trained to get through those illusions, and there is no way Yongguk can be fooled. He is not Youngjae. _Definitely not Youngjae_.

The vampire’s mouth falls open. Yongguk feels his fangs start growing. Suddenly, the vampire steps back. His eyes seem emotionless. But do vampires mean to have _any_ emotion except blood-thirsty?

“Stop, shape-shifter.” The vampire says, his voice demanding. “Stop.”

The voice is harmonious and angelic. Pure vampiric. The vampire does not look afraid, but he is telling him to _stop_. Never has anyone said to him like that, especially a _vampire_. Normally, they see him, and they attack. But this vampire, this _teenager_ , stepped back and required him to _stop_. What is that supposed to mean?

“Who are you?” Yongguk finally straightens himself and asks in the lowest tone. This is too risky, Yongguk can not trust the creature in front of him. But he still can stand on the defensive, ready to fight at anytime if necessary.

“Thought you already knew who I am.” The vampire bridles up with arrogance; he is not afraid. “I’m not going to fight or attack you. Drop that attitude.”

“You can not be trusted.”

“Do I really look like I’m going to bite the shit out of you?”

_Well, you really do_ , Yongguk really wants to reply so, but he keeps that to himself. Instead, he just gives the vampire a long look. “Theoretically, and in reality, your kind is meant to look like that.”

“Hm.” The vampire sniffs. “Is that so.”

It is not a question. “Stop fooling around.” Yongguk presses. His wolf nature is still in alarm. “What are you doing here?”

The vampire smirks. There is naughtiness in his eyes, and yes, he is still fooling around. Fucking vampires and their malignance— “Quileute Tribe. I haven’t met you in my last visit to Forks yet. But I know you guys were involved _a lot_ in that War.” He stresses the word _a lot_ pleasantly. “I thought the Kim Family had told you about us. But it seems like you know nothing, do you?”

Yongguk does not need the boy to say more to realize. There is only one thing he does not have the chance to encounter in the last battle, right in this Forest, months ago. Which used to occupy a scintilla of thought in his mind, but later was wiped away unceremoniously. Black cloaks, elegant, strong, and cruel. The most powerful of the whole vampire kind, who the Kim Family is always afraid of, and Himchan always wants to protect Youngjae from.

“Damian.” The boy speaks, the word falling out of his mouth softly, like a feather. “Damian Volturri. You can go short by Ian, it’s okay.”

—

The thing is, Yongguk does not need, and never _wants_ to meet the Volturri. He was only a bit curious about them, but that was long ago. Dealing with the Forks vampires and Victoria’s Army is exhausting enough, and the experience from it just encourages Yongguk not to involve with vampires anymore. 

And now, here he is, confronting with a vampire called Ian-whatever, from the Volturri. The _Volturri_. The name alone sounds bad enough.

Realizing Yongguk is not going to say anything, Damian sighed. “Listen, shape-shifter—”

“I have a name.” Yongguk reminds.

Damian looks dumbfounded for a second. “You didn’t tell me.”

Yongguk shakes his head; a name is not harmful anyway. “Bang Yongguk. I don’t like being called shape-shifter much.”

Damian chuckles. Yongguk silently (and unwillingly) admires his crescent eyes, with surrounding wrinkles making him look rather like a small cat than a vampire warrior from the notorious Volturri Clan. “Yongguk.” He tests the name, as if he is not sure how that name be spelled. “You are not American.”

“Does that bother you?”

“Not exactly.” Damian sounds strangely happy. “But I like the name. Way more than shape-shifter.”

“You know,” Yongguk states. “You don’t look like a Volturri.”

“Do I?” Damian asks back, tilting his head. “People who _know_ things always know who I am. I’ve never heard such things like that before.”

Yongguk throws a skeptical look at Damian, asking himself why Himchan is so afraid of this boy. It is not like he has never heard about them before. Himchan used to tell him stories when they had little chances to be alone, without Youngjae. How their kind lives, how the Kim Family was created, and how the Volturri being involved in every vampire issues around the world. _They have strong weapons_ , Himchan once explained. _Strong warriors that can defeat a whole army of newborns._ This Damian guy must be one of those warriors that Himchan mentioned. Although having been told so many tales about this, but Yongguk still finds him confused. Just—how can a small boy like Damian can _defeat a whole army of newborns_? 

The question raises more curiosity in Yongguk. One of them is why Damian is _here_. In Forks. The War has ended long ago, and the Volturri eventually has came and checked too. Maybe Damian was one of the visitors too. Why does he suddenly come back here, in The Forest, wandering around like a phantom?

“Now you hear, then.” Yongguk says uneasily. “Why are you here anyway?” He suddenly remembers Youngjae, and a long story about him and Himchan once going to Volterra and messing things up with the Clan. Then, the Volturri’s participation in The War. The thought turns on his inherent alarm immediately. “Is this about—”

“Yoo Youngjae?” Damian smirks again, his lips speaking the name playfully, and Yongguk is surprised at how coherent Damian’s spelling is, when just minutes ago he can not even spell Yongguk’s name confidently. “Is that boy Forks’ obsession? Now it’s like everywhere I go in Forks, I always hear people whisper that name. And in case you’re still wondering, the answer is no.”

Damian starts walking around, but Yongguk is motionless. Every small step Damian takes seems harmless, like a bird jumping from branches to branches. He really does not mean to attack.

“Don’t always watch out of us. We are wise enough to know to get rid of unworthy risks. That’s why after centuries, the Volturri is still the supreme ruler of its kind.” Damian put his hands behind his back, his head perking up towards the cloudy sky above. “Beside, we have a small contract with the Kim Family. So there’s no need to care about Youngjae. He just knows exactly what he should do to get away from troubles.”

_I am such a troubles magnet_ , Yongguk remembers Youngjae used to tell him so, when Himchan left him. _It’s like they always follow me despite anywhere I go._ Yongguk had hugged him, soothing the pain with soft and careful words, and Youngjae had to bite his lips to prevent himself from crying. Later, when Himchan came back, no matter how hard the vampire tried to regain what he lost with Youngjae, Yongguk still kept his secret desire to punch at that beautiful face. A punch is not enough for what he had done with Youngjae, apparently.

His mind stops wandering in memories when he realizes Damian is still speaking. Damian’s voice is beautiful just as equally as his face, and for the first time during his time being a shape-shifter, Yongguk has to question himself why he seems to never be on the alert with this boy, despite who he _is_ , and where he is _from_.

“I’m not going to Forks to cause troubles. That’s against our rules.” Damian shrugs. “Aro, he is the Volturri’s leader. My master. And he is insecure.”

“So he ordered you to come back here to ensure everything is safe.” Yongguk guesses, and Damian nods.

“To check if there’s any newborn vampire left from Victoria’s Army.” Damian edits Yongguk’s words. “Aro doesn’t believe the Kim Family. Especially after Himchan’s little revolution in our hometown. So after we came back to Volterra, he told me to visit Forks one more time. Going around, ascertaining the Kim Family’s report is true. That’s it.”

“Does the Kim Family know about your venture?”

“No, they don’t. I prefer that.” Damian licks his lips. “It’s better that way. I want to be on my own hook, and Aro agrees too.”

So that means Yongguk is also the only one to know about this secret mission. He is not sure how to react to that fact, as well as Damian’s calm posture although he is here all alone. At the same time, Yongguk does not want to say anything, and have too many questions about the boy in front of him. Finally, he lets out a heavy breath.

“How long are you going to stay?” He asks.

The vampire’s eyes sparkles with wickedness at the question. “Oh, I don’t know. Until you’ll go crazy, I think? That may be soon, though.”

Yongguk scowls; and why is he curious about _that_ anyway? “I don’t care why are you coming back here, as well as how long your mission lasts. But I don’t want to see you around my pack’s area, which is near this forest. And don’t mess things up again. Forks has suffered enough from bloodsuckers like you. That’s my only deal.”

“And what will I get in exchange?” Damian challenges back. “Don’t you include the Kim Family in the list too? And Yoo Youngjae?”

“It’s not my business. They’re not my business.”

Damian blinks. Then he laughs. The sound is like a wind bell swinging in strong wind, high and unstable, tickling Yongguk all over. “You are funny, Yongguk. I know what your kind thinks about us, those oral tales passing through generations over centuries. Liars. Untruthworthy. But the truth is, don’t you think we’re _all_ are?”

Yongguk says nothing, so the vampire continues. “You’re too high-minded, Yongguk. Too good for your own _good_. The Volturri never underestimates such virtue, but at the same time, never cares about people having it. They’re dangerous. A dicey difficult game for the ones around them.” Damian takes a step back, and he smiles. “I told you, we had a contract with Kim Himchan and his lovey-dovey boy. So I am not going to get into any business with them. That clan is kinda boring anyway. And I don’t care about shape-shifters, as long as they don’t obstruct my plan. It’s your mission to keep your beloved pack away from my way.”

He whistles, imitating a bird’s sound, then turns on his heels. By the time the clouds are all cleared from the sky, and small rays of sunshine finally find their ways to fall into the earth, Damian is already gone. His only remains are footprints on the snow ground.

Yongguk is still speechless. His mind is still full of wonder about the vampire. How his supernatural alert system keeps turning on and off with the boy. Minutes ago, it says normal. Minutes later, it screams _hazard_.

—

Days later, Yongguk does not see Damian.

That day, he had to soak himself in a freezing river to rip the vampire’s smell off. If Damian wants to keep his trip a secret, then that was the only way for Yongguk to help him to not to be discovered by his pack.

Despite his effort, Yongguk could sense his brothers’ doubt. Especially Junhong, the kid has a quite sensible nose. And sensible mind, too. Yongguk knows Junhong smelled something strange from him, but the boy did not say anything. He is grateful of that.

Damian did not reappear in the past week. May be he had done the mission and came back to Volterra. Yongguk did return to The Forest twice, but there was no trace of the vampire, as well as his smell. Damian just evaporated. Somehow Yongguk starts to wonder if that unexpected meeting was only a dream.

But it is real. Yongguk knows that. He can imagine the stink too, which Yongguk has never done before. Before, he always thought all vampires smelled all the same — gross and nasty. He once stood next to Himchan and his vampire cousin Jongup, and all he could sense was the same stench. And then there was Damian, with a complete unfamiliar scent. Yongguk gets uncomfortable with it, but at one time, he suddenly has a feeling to want to smell that scent again.

May be it is the scent that is the only way to help Yongguk to know Damian really exists, and he is still here.

In the weekend, Yongguk goes to his Tribe’s monthly camp. The party is held in the Uley’s backyard, with all of the Quileute participating. Yongguk can sometimes feel suffocated when living with the pack, but he can not deny how cozy the atmosphere is whether his tribe has gatherings like this. After The War, Yongguk hardly ever joins crowded meetings. The last time he made an appearance in any Quileute event was one month ago, when all the Quileute Alphas were called to an emergency meeting about The War.

To be honest, Yongguk have a part of fault too, in his anxiety issue. When he complicates matters, he will see everyone around him is blurred phantoms, surrounding him like a battlefield of armed armies, ready to fire at him at anytime. But when he convinces himself to be calm, to be normal, he realizes they are just the Quileute. His beloved ones. The ones that has raised him, taught him about this world, trained him to be a warrior just like his childhood dream. 

Yongguk can not run away forever. Especially from what is his home, his motherland.

He remembers Damian’s words. _Liars. Untruthworthy. But the truth is, don’t you think we’re all are?_ The vampire even called him high-minded. Can not be underestimated, but undeserve to be cared about either. It is funny, to wonder about things just because of a _vampire_. The creature that Yongguk never thought he would listen to, and remember every word it said.

“Hyung!” Junhong comes sit next to him, the boy’s hand currently holding a grilling skewer. The kid sounds excited. “I bring food for you. Here you go.”

Yongguk takes the skewer, and smiles slightly. “Where’s Seth?” He asks, biting the meat. “I thought you said you two would have a run competition tonight?”

“Oh, Sam didn’t allow the idea.” Junhong pouts. “He’s so insecure, don’t you think? Always afraid that we’re going to blow up a house or something like that, and he ends up forbidding us.”

Yongguk’s mind starts wandering at the word insecure. Damian’s smooth voice. _Aro, he is the Volturri’s leader. My master. And he is insecure…_

“Well, Sam’s insecurity can be sympathized.” Yongguk says slowly, swallowing the meat bite. “Outhere is dangerous. You can not risk the whole pack for your own good.”

“You sound like a saint, hyung.” Junhong complains. “Why do I love you again?”

“Because you are a newborn chick and you saw me when you opened your eyes for the first time after being sick due to the transformation.”

“Hyung, not that again.” Junhong swings his head from side to side. Yongguk laughs, and he strokes Junhong’s hair gently.

“You have to learn to sacrifice sometimes, Junhong. Because it is the best way for everyone’s peace.”

“Have you always been like that, then?” Junhong questions. Under the firelight, the kid’s hair seems to glow. “Give up yourself for the common good? Are you always satisfied with that option?”

Silence meets them. Yongguk thinks back, about his dream of being a talented musician. About Youngjae. About his pack. About Damian. His own personal life trading for his tribe’s greater future. Fuck, he just _can’t_ —

“I don’t know, Junhong.” Finally, Yongguk says. “I really don’t know.” It is not the answer for any of Junhong’s questions.

—

Yongguk interrupts the camp with his silent leave. Junhong is the only one to know it, but the kid does not stop him. He just bids him goodbye and promises to deal with Sam later.

He comes back to his house minutes later. He does not go by the door. Instead, he climbs to his room, by the already opened windows. Ever since he was turned, Yongguk found going by this way is more interesting and faster than the usual door way. Easier, more convenient, and Yongguk will not have to deal with random people knocking at his unlocked door because they think he is at home. He suddenly wonders since when he has became this antisocial.

Maybe after Youngjae’s rejection.

Yongguk has to remind himself that it was Youngjae who rejected him, not the whole universe. They still welcome him, but Yongguk finds it hard to get along. Maybe the warmth they give him can not mend his broken heart, anyway. And he is that hard to get over.

His room is small, and dark. The dim light barely helps to brighten. The art book Yongguk has read halfway are still on the bed, opened to the page of Salvador Dalí’s Rose Meditative. Under the pale light, the red rose seems glowing. Yongguk looks at the painting for seconds, and then closes the book. He puts the book back on the shelf, and take a general look around the room.

Radio, old posters, notebooks and messy color palettes, the room at the same time looks strange, and familiar. Junhong once said that whenever he stepped into Yongguk’s room, he was like getting lost in a room of some mad artist in the past century. Yongguk silently chuckles at the memory, and then he sees the picture frame on the table. He stops.

It is a picture of him and Youngjae, taken long ago, when Youngjae has just came to live in Forks. Before Yongguk’s transformation, before Himchan, before everything. Youngjae looks young, and carefree. After Himchan took part in his life, Yongguk never sees Youngjae that insouciant ever again. Youngjae always seems to have something in mind. In the photo, they are standing on the shore, the beach waves crawling on the sand behind. Yongguk is taller, blocking the sunset, and he is smiling. Youngjae has his eyes closed, his lips curving up, his V sign pressed near his temple. All peaceful and joyful. Good old days that will never come back.

Yongguk stares at the photo for five minutes. Then he reaches out his hand and presses the frame down the table.

—

He is floating through reminiscence when the smell finds its way to his nose.

The moment he catches the sign, all the senses of him abruptly stop working. Awful and full of sinisterness. It is just like the first time — Yongguk finds himself motionless and stunned at the scent, which is strangely softer, but still poisonous like in The Forest days ago.

Yongguk does not think much when deciding to climb out of the room. Once he reaches the ground, he starts hiking towards the dark woods lying at the back of his house, to whenever he feels the smell coming from.

Yongguk ridiculously feels like Theseus, getting lost in a maze of dark trees and thin haze, and the only Ariadne’s ball of thread helping him getting through is the faint scent that he is supposed to be inconvenient with. He keeps following it, roaming all over the dark palace of black woods, trying to find the direction where the scent can be smelled strongly. He will not deny it — the fact that he is now having a strange ray of hope glittered inside him. Even Yongguk can not understand why.

Finally, he stops as there is a river blocking his way. The only light near around is the moonlight above, its weak glint reflects on the waving water. And even thought the light is too dull, not strong enough to brighten the whole area, Yongguk’s miraculous eyesight can recognize the shadow standing near the bank anyway. Slim body hidden in a thick black cloak pulling down to the feet. The hood is lowered, exposing silky brown hair.

“Damian?” Yongguk calls out the name with an uncertain tone.

The shadow moves. It turns its head back, and there is Damian.

—

“Fancy meeting you here.” Are the first words Damian says when seeing Yongguk. “I smelled you. Is breaking curfews one of your daily routine?”

“Not really.” Yongguk replies, does not even care about whether it is true or not. The answer just came out of his mouth naturally. “Is there anything bad? You are close to my pack’s area.”

“Close, not in. It’s not a big deal.” Damian shrugs. “No. Everything is okay, there’s no sign of any vampires around Forks except the Kim Family. All vampires now are forbidden to come here, in order for me to concentrate on the investigation. Forks seems perfectly serene.”

“No it doesn’t.” Yongguk insists. Damian smirks at his words.

“I know.” The vampire agrees with a calm voice. “If you say the same thing about Volterra, I will object just like that. There are silent struggles in every city, which the outsiders can never understand. You mean it?”

Yongguk nods slightly. It is strange; how he can never find sympathy in Forks for years, and now he is nodding at whatever Damian says. As if the vampire is speaking Yongguk’s heart out loud with that beautiful voice, making him almost forget he is a vampire.

And worse, a vampire from the Volturri Clan. And worst, they are supposed to be enemies. Not some old friends standing by the river at night and having idle talks. But the next minute, Damian suddenly sits down, his legs curling up close to the chest. The vampire looks up, meeting Yongguk’s eyes with not even a scintilla of fear.

“Are you going to continue standing like that for the whole night?” Damian asks. “Come sit down man. I promise I won’t bite.”

“Isn’t it your kind’s basic nature?” Yongguk teases, and Damian pouts at him. He looks cute. Yongguk has to fight back a smile, and finally he drops himself to the ground, next to the vampire.

The smell is still there, around Yongguk, but somehow it has became so blurry Yongguk thinks if he pays no attention to it, he will not be able to smell it anymore. His nose does not feel itchy anymore — a typical reaction of shape-shifters whenever there are vampires around. Weird. Yongguk silently remarks, but he decides not to say it out loud.

The atmosphere around them is cold and silent; the only sound Yongguk can hear is water flowing in front of him. It seems like even the wind has stopped moving. Has the world stopped moving as well? The silence between him and Damian is not like him and Junhong’s; it is a bit awkward, and makes Yongguk nervous. He wonders if Damian is feeling the same.

“Do you ever sleep?” Minutes later, Damian speaks up again. He turns from the river to look at Yongguk directly.

Yongguk smiles lightly. “We’re not like you. We can sleep.”

“Like… real sleep?”

“What do you mean by real sleep?”

Damian bites his lips in confusion. “I mean… you can close your eyes, sinking into the unconsiousness. Sometimes you have dreams, but sometimes nightmares. And it will take a while for you to open your eyes, to get up and out of bed… things like that.”

_Oh_. “Of course. We can really sleep.” Yongguk confirms. “For example, yesterday I dreamed about me being the Yugo guy in Bloody Roar, and I had to fight the batgirl Jenny.”

Damian giggles. Yongguk remembers he once thought about this before, but he is unafraid to admit one more time — that Damian looks even more beautiful when smiling. “We vampires can’t sleep truly.” he confesses. “It’s like, closing your eyes in order to kill time, and that’s it. I haven’t been dreaming for so long I forget how it feels like.”

Yongguk swears he has defined so many things in the world easily, always finding an easy way to explain so that everyone can understand, but he realizes he has never thought about defining _sleep_ before. How can you tell someone about a sleep? “It’s too simple to be put into words.” Yongguk says slowly, his mind quickly brainstorming to find the right words. “You feel tired, your body demands relax, and you will lay out. Then you close your eyes, and your brain will slowly find its way dipping into the unconsciousness. It’s how a basic slumber works. But maybe your kind is restless,” He guesses. “so you never need to sleep.”

Damian is silent. Then, he slowly sighs. “I’m not sure that’s good or bad.”

Normally, if Yongguk hears someone says that, he will insist _it’s bad, apparently_ right away. But why does he choose to be quiet instead? There is something in Damian’s voice when he said that — something sounds exactly like Yongguk when he told Youngjae’s father about his son’s illegal motorbike racing (which had made Youngjae so angry he stopped seeing Yongguk for months later). Regret. Guilty. Given up. An unwanted decision that was only made under force. And exactly why does Damian, a proud warrior from the Volturri have a tone like that when talking about being a vampire?

“Whether it’s good or bad, it already happened anyway.” Yongguk says, his hands swinging slightly in the air. “Guess we’ll have to move along with our choice, despite whenever it may lead us to. People call that the skill of adapting to unexpected situations. And the most important is, it’s our choice after all. We decided, didn’t we?”

Damian looks unhappy. “No.” He denies, his voice louder this time. “ _I_ never had, or have, a choice. There’s _always_ someone outhere considering from every step I take to my _own_ destiny. It’s so annoying when they let me believe that it’s right, I’m fine, I should follow what they do, and they call it my own options.”

“Damian—” Yongguk starts, but the vampire shakes his head.

“No.” He repeats, and his voice drops low again. Barely above a whisper. It is like he is going to reveal a big secret that he is afraid to be eavesdropped, although Yongguk is pretty sure there is no one around the river inside the woods at this time, except them. “No.”

“What’s wrong?” Now Yongguk feels confused. Why does the boy suddenly seem so insecure?

Despite panting, the vampire still manages to speak fluently, as if there would be a big problem if he spelled any word out loud wrongly. “Daehyun.” The boy says, his arms circling around the legs tighter. “My name is not Damian. It is never Damian Volturri. It is _Jung Daehyun_.”

—

Yongguk never has a real chance to learn about his Korean blood, to be honest. All he know is that his mother is a Korean, and his parents had already divorced before he was born. His father, a Quileute man, successfully claimed the right to raise him, and when Yongguk’s sensed finally came into life, the two of them had moved to Forks to join the Quileute Tribe. And one more fact he knows is that his name was named due to his father’s respect towards his old wife, her Korean blood. Yongguk sometimes thinks it maybe the evidence proving that his father still misses her, but he never says that to anyone.

For the last years, he has encountered so many Koreans. Junhong, Youngjae, and—he hates to mention the names, but can not exclude—Kim Himchan and Moon Jongup from the Kim Family. So there is no reason for him to be surprised at the fact that Damian—no, _Daehyun_ —is actually a Korean, too.

But the strange thing is, Yongguk _is_ surprised.

By the time he finally finds his voice back, Yongguk thinks maybe eternity has passed by. Daehyun looks down, and he is silent. “Daehyun.” Yongguk says the word, finding himself as unsure as Daehyun did the first time he told the boy his name. “Daehyun.”

“Keep saying it.” Daehyun’s voice is aloof. “I haven’t heard anyone called it for years.”

“Even Aro doesn’t know it?”

Daehyun looks bitter when he replies. “My master doesn’t usually care about such unimportant things like that.”

Yongguk does not know how to react to that fact. Instead, he looks around the river, as if the answer is lying somewhere among it, waiting for him to find out. It must be late now, and Yongguk suddenly thinks about his home. Is there anyone looking for him? Junhong, maybe, after arriving to his house and discovering his unusual absence.

His mind focuses back on Daehyun, who is silent again. He curls up tighter, making him look even smaller, like a ball ready to roll into the cold water at anytime. Yongguk remembers vampires can not feel cold. They _are_ cold. He wonders how boring it must be, being immune to almost everything except _blood_. No wonder Daehyun sounds so uncertain about whether being a vampire is good or bad.

“I was rejected.” Finally, Yongguk says. He moves closer to Daehyun, and the stink has somehow faded away. Now he can smell nothing but faint scents of the environment around.

Now it is Daehyun’s turn to be surprised. He tilts his head to one side, his eyebrows raised. “What?”

“Well, you told me your story. I will tell you something in return.” Yongguk shrugs, acting like it is nothing. “I was rejected.”

Daehyun blinks for seconds, like he does not know what is happening. And then he coughs lightly. “Let me guess.” He raised a finger, slim and beautiful, and Yongguk looks at it like a focus len; everything around suddenly becomes blurred. “Yoo Youngjae?”

Yongguk swallows when hearing the name. He can easily imagine the boy in his mind; short, black hair, pale skin, plump lips, beautiful eyes always sparkle, as if stars have descended onto them. “Yeah, Youngjae. The boy that you guys desperately want him to be turned.”

Daehyun protests. “It’s the _rule_. We can’t risk having exceptions.”

“I know.” Yongguk waves his hand in understanding. “So, back to my shitty drama. Youngjae rejected me because he loves Himchan more. Which means he _does_ love me, but it isn’t as big as him to Himchan. Funny, isn’t it?”

“Not at all.” Daehyun sounds so serious Yongguk bursts into laugh.

“I once thought it was so unfair.” Yongguk admits. “I’ve always been by his side. When Himchan left him, I was there, helping him get through his breakup. He used to be my aspirin when the transformation happened. We could be together, you know. But then… Himchan came back.”

“After fucking Volterra up.” Daehyun adds.

“Yes, after fucking Volterra up. He came back, and they continued dating. I made a mistake—I wanted to protect him, but Youngjae had hated me. Eventually, things settled into shape. We later kept in touch again, but it’s not the same anymore. Even during The War, when I always had to look after him… it’s different. Everything had changed.”

“It has to.” Daehyun comments. His voice is soft, and sympathetic. “It can’t stand still. If it does, then that’s a curse.”

How can Youngjae’s love for Yongguk be a curse? Yongguk silently questions himself that, but he let Daehyun do the talking. He reminds himself that there is actually one thing stands still though. A vampire’s age. _Daehyun_ ’s age. Daehyun must have recognized it too, but he drops the topic anyway.

“I feel sorry for you. You can win any battle, yet you surrendered to a sentimental one. It’s pathetic.” Daehyun closes his eyes, and he rests his chin on his circling arms. “You gave up. Gave up on Youngjae, and worse, _yourself_. Are you comfortable with that?”

“With what?”

“Running away.” Right now, with his eyes closed like that, Daehyun looks like he is really sleeping. But his lips are moving. “The day you met me in The Forest… you were running away, weren’t you?”

Yongguk really doubts Daehyun’s ability must be making people convenient despite stating harsh truths. “I was trying to find some space.”

“Space.” Daehyun repeats the word with a dreamy voice. “It’s luxurious. Beyond our ability. Now and then, everywhere we go, people will always surround us. There’s no space in this world. Even when you came to The Forest, I was there. We can never find a true space for us, ever.”

“You know what,” Suddenly, Daehyun raises his head up again, and his red eyes flashing joyfulness. “I never thought about this before. Talking with a shape-shifter peacefully. Normally, when I see one, either I or it will eventually start fighting. It’s like a lame tradition. Can’t we just be like this? It’s so better to just sit together alone and gossip about random stuff about our miserable lives.”

Yongguk almost forgets Daehyun is from The Volturri. The biggest clan of the vampire kind. Yet this boy is sitting next to him, rambling about here and there as if they are some old friends having been away from each other for such a long time. Forget it; he almost forgets Daehyun is a _vampire_.

“I always ask myself things like that.” Daehyun still talks, his voice honest. “Like, when I go out doing missions, I always ask myself why I have to do _that_. Why I have to act as a cruel monster and force people to spit their guilts out. But then, I discovered the reason. We’re so insecure. Always feel everyone around us is a threat. Always have that thought lingering in our mind — _if I can’t harm him, he will harm me._ No one has ever done at least a talking equally. Even me.” He confessed embarrassedly. “I hardly ever hear anyone talk. Or if I _do_ , I always look down on them. It’s what The Volturri has been teaching me for years — that I’m always higher than everyone.”

Yongguk imagines a scene in his head; the end of The War that he did not have the chance to watch. The sky was grey and cloudy, as it have always been. The hill was full of vampire’s corpses, and far from it, there was Victoria’s body being burned to ashes. Daehyun was there, cold and careless, talking with an arrogant voice just like the first time he said to Yongguk. _Stop_. He would command like that, and another battle just exploded—

“But then,” Daehyun hums quietly. “I met you, days ago. Why can we drop all of those precautions and bravely talk to each other? How can we are here, now, absolutely not seeming like enemies? I have wandered around Forks and asked myself again and again.”

It is so weird. Yongguk has always been told about Daehyun’s kind with words like emotionless, merciless, and wanting nothing but blood. They themselves can not feel, let alone fall in love. But there is Youngjae, falling helplessly for Himchan. Himchan did the same. Yongguk can tell it by the way Himchan is willing to do anything for the boy. The trouble in Volterra is an example. Dying for your loved ones is so Shakespearean and unreal, but then Youngjae and Himchan came and proved otherwise. From that, Yongguk learned one more thing: there is _always_ exceptions. Of everything.

Maybe Daehyun is one of those exceptions, too. Yongguk knows being a part of The Volturri, Daehyun must have a scary side, a side that he never let out during their two meetings. Daehyun has always been quite cheerful, a bit ironic sometimes when with Yongguk. Is that counted one of his side too?

Yongguk wonders if Daehyun has ever let anyone, apart from Yongguk, witness this so-called side.

Daehyun stops talking, and Yongguk can say no more. The silence is pouring down again. But it is not suffocating to Yongguk. When being silent, Daehyun is like a rock. He does not even breathe. He is just _there_ , and that is it. Yongguk can not deny the fact that it makes he glad, somehow.

It is nice, and Yongguk is fine with it. Sitting with Daehyun like this and forgets that he is a shape-shifter for a while. The feeling of being normal has soon faded away the moment he woke up from his transformation, and it is not until now does Yongguk have the chance to feel like that once again. It is precious. These moments are precious.

Finally, after god-knows-how-long, Yongguk yawns slightly. Daehyun spots it right away. The vampire grins, showing those cute wrinkles around his crescent eyes. “I really forgot you’re still a human, somehow.” he moves closer to Yongguk. Yongguk shivers at how cold Daehyun is, but he does not complain. “Are you afraid of coldness?”

“Not really.” Yongguk realizes the tacit meaning of Daehyun’s words. “I think I may stay here for the rest of the night. Not exactly in the mood for meeting people right now.”

“It’s okay.” Daehyun promises, his voice solemn. “I swear I won’t do anything inappropriate.”

Yongguk laughs at the words. “Really? You promise you won’t call your Volturri Army to come capture me while I’m sleeping?”

Daehyun looks uncomfortable with the joke. “A Volturri shall not lie. Cross my heart and hope to die.” He stretches the legs and raises his hand. The black loose cloak falls down, revealing his slender wrist. In the dim darkness, it looks shining. Like a lantern in a black sky.

“Alright.” Yongguk chuckles. He starts shifting, and finally lays his head on Daehyun’s legs, which are covered in the black cloak. Daehyun looks stunned, like this sudden move is out of his expectation. From below, Yongguk’s eyes meet Daehyun’s above ones, and the boy just blinks. “What? You think I’m gonna use the dirt as a pillow?”

Daehyun’s legs go stiff for second, then he shakes his head. “No. It’s… alright.” He looses himself, and looks away from Yongguk’s eyes. “Just… I never touch anyone this close. Not even my Clan.”

“Well, you’re gonna have a lot of first times with me, young man.” Yongguk remarks. He looks up the starry sky and breathes in a long breath. “You don’t smell bad anymore. Only a faint scent.”

“Is that so?” Daehyun asks back, his voice faraway; he seems like musing over something. “I can smell you quite clear. But it doesn’t feel incommodious. Not like in The Forest.”

“We really have problems here.” Yongguk whispers, silently counting the stars in his head but then giving up when counting to six.

“Don’t care.” Daehyun mutters. “I have something for you. But now right now.”

“What’s it?”

Daehyun sounds mysterious. And playful. “I told you, not now. Maybe when you wake up later. It’s something really magical. I think you’re gonna love it.” Then he straightens his back and gives Yongguk a look. “Now sleep. It’s late.”

_Do you vampires even know what is late_ , Yongguk wants to ask Daehyun, but then he gets lost in the sky full of stars above again, and he falls asleep somewhere between Daehyun’s coldness under his head and the sound of the river flowing next to him. 

—

He wakes up with Daehyun’s coldness still under his head and the sound of the river still flowing next to him. To be honest, Daehyun is not a better pillow than the dirt. Yongguk feels like he slept on ice.

He spend minutes trying to adjust his eyes with the sunlight, and the first thought came to his mind is that Daehyun is still here with him, and Yongguk is under _sunlight_.

He opens his eyes quickly, and feels both glad and panic as Daehyun is really still sitting here. Feeling Yongguk’s moving, Daehyun lowers his head, his perfect face looking normal, unaffected with a whole unsleeping night. And by the first ray of sunlight drops down on the ground, Yongguk sees it.

Daehyun’s skin is _gleaming_. By the sunshine. As if his skin was made of diamonds. It sparkles like glitters, contrasting with Daehyun’s pure red eyes which are looking directly at Yongguk’s eyes. So this is what Daehyun said last night, _something magical_.

Honestly, Yongguk really loves it. One of the most breathtaking scene he has ever witnessed. But the fact that Daehyun is a vampire pulls him back to reality right away.

His head does not feel cold anymore as he sits up. Daehyun does not say a thing. Not even Yongguk grabs his wrist and pull him into a nearby umbrage. He lets go easily, like he is getting his soul lost somewhere, completely unaware of what is happening.

“Are you _crazy_?” Yongguk asks as soon as Daehyun’s back hit against the tree. Under its shadow, Daehyun’s skin stops glowing.

“Don’t exaggerate much.” Daehyun shrugs slightly. “I can’t die just by sitting in sunlight for _minutes_. It only feels a bit itchy.” His lips curve into a small smile. “But you like it, don’t you?”

Yongguk thinks he is going crazy. “I don’t like suffering beauty.”

“Well, you have to trade something for beauty anyway.” Daehyun argues, but he is smiling in content.

Yongguk huffs. “Jesus, you are mad. _Real_ mad.”

Daehyun closes his eyes, and he mumbles back. “All of the best people are.”

Okay, so there are three things Yongguk is absolutely positive about. First, Daehyun is just quoting words from Lewis Carroll. Second, he is a shape-shifter, and Daehyun is a vampire, and they are supposed to be enemies.

And third, he has to come back home or else his pack will go outhere looking for him — and he can not risk Daehyun. Not at any cost.

Daehyun parts from him at that river. He tells Yongguk he has to keep tracking around Forks, and promises he will meet him again. And Yongguk lets him go; let him get further and further, finally out of sight. It is a bit like Youngjae, the time before The War happens. It was a snowy morning, Youngjae left him to go find Himchan. He wore a black shirt similar to Daehyun’s coat, his back was smaller than Daehyun. And the two promise the same thing — _I will be back_. The one Youngjae made had already been broken. Then now there is Daehyun, doing exactly like what Youngjae had done.

And Yongguk, he just can not help himself holding onto it, one more time.

Finally, when Daehyun is gone, Yongguk’s body starts loosing. He does not even know since when he has stiffened himself that much. Not stressed, but anxious. He does not know why. Yongguk finds himself uncertain about a lot of things these days.

But the only thing he is damn certain about, is that troubles just _never_ leave Yongguk alone.

He is walking halfway back home when he senses a familiar scent behind his back. The scent is fresh and new, and so _so_ familiar that Yongguk does not need to re-smell it again to know that he is cognizant of this newcomer. It is definitely not Daehyun. Or Youngjae. Or Himchan or any vampire from the Kim Family, whose smell that Yongguk will never be fond of.

No, this odor is not from any of them. As Yongguk turns his head back, there—a few meters away from him, hidden in those small bushes—stands a wolf, eyes fixate on Yongguk. The wolf’s fur is light brown, almost faded to white on its top head. And those _eyes_ —golden and widerning—are glowering at Yongguk, as if he is some foreign intruder. As if he is its enemy, a vampire.

Shit. Yongguk shivers as reality hits him hard like a meteor. Shit. _Vampire_. He _forgot_. How could he be so fucking careless—

_Hyung_. Junhong, in his wolf form, is talking. Yongguk does not need to transform to know; the kid’s eyes just give away what he wants to say. _Hyung, why are you covered in vampires’ stink?_

And Yongguk is down to Earth, once again.

—

Sam drops his body down to the couch, his face exasperated. Seth is standing behind him, and Junhong is by his side. The next moment, Yongguk realizes the Uley pack is almost full in this room; even Leah is here, sitting quietly in the corner, waiting for the storm to come. The only absent one is Paul, but Yongguk is really not in the mood for minding that absence much or asking anyone about him. Yongguk has to resist the urge to get up and run away. He reminds himself that this pack is his _family_ , not some judge gathering to investigate him for having a vampire’s scent covered all over his body after going missing during the camp.

Well, that is the reason for this meeting, actually.

Sam does not talk much. “Explain.” He just commands a word, and gives Yongguk an expecting look. Even Junhong is looking at him with disbelief too. No, _everyone_ now in the room is looking at him with disbelief.

Yongguk bites his lips. He silently recalls Daehyun’s image. The young boy is cold, but so lively. Even the black cloak can not reduce his vivid colors, which blend into each other, making him so real, so breathtaking. A small boy with a lot of big complicated stories and bothers about his life being a vampire. A Volturri that does not make himself seem like one. The one that Yongguk nods to whatever he says, that Yongguk naturally tells out his deepest secret despite the fact that they have only met twice. A _vampire_. A _friend_. And he has to protect Daehyun from his pack. For the sake of Daehyun’s mission, and Daehyun himself too.

“I left the camp soon and intended to come back home.” Finally, Yongguk says. He can feel Sam’s gaze sticking on him like a tattoo. “But then I decided to have a small walk around the town. Just to, clear my mind.”

“Don’t beat around the bush.” Leah calls out from the corner. Yongguk throws at her a glare, and she immediately shuts up.

“I was walking across the river when I saw a vampire.” Yongguk continues. “He must be a visitor. Didn’t seem like a member of the Kims. And… we got into a fight.”

Sam sounds skeptical when he speaks up again. “You and that bloodsucker fought? At midnight, inside the woods?”

“Yes, but he ran away.” Yongguk replies, surprised at how smooth he is when lying, which he is never good at. “I was so tired, and I needed to recover from the duel, so I stayed inside the woods until this morning. And when I was making my way back home, Junhong found me. That’s it.”

“Weird.” Seth remarks with a small voice. “I’ve never seen any vampire getting _this_ close to the Quileute Area. Normally, when they smell a wolf pack, they will get away as far as possible. They won’t want have any deal with us unless they want get The Volturis’ attention.”

“The Volturri.” Junhong corrects, and the boy seems confused too. “I don’t know. Maybe that bloodsucker just doesn’t know the rules. But hyung, you said that it had gone away, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.” Yongguk nods. Suddenly he has this weird uncomfortable feeling when hearing his pack call Daehyun a _bloodsucker_. “The vampire ran away when I was distracting. I never saw it again for the rest of the night.”

“Did he cause any harm to you?” Sam asks.

Yongguk shakes his head. “No. Only small cuts, but they have already healed when I woke up this morning.”

Only then does Sam seem to relax. The alpha loosens himself and then rests his head on the couch. He lets out a sigh. “You scared the shit out of us, Yongguk. We’ve looked for you _everywhere_.”

Yongguk sighs too. Relief comes and calms him down from the previous fear that his cover story will be discovered. “Sorry. I forgot to report to you guys too. Just an unexpected accident. I promise I will be more cautious next time.”

“You better be.” Sam says, and pulls out the phone. “I will call Paul. Tell him to track around our Area, just to ensure our safety. I really don’t believe in those bloodsuckers anymore after The War.”

Yongguk gulps, but he just nods his head. He hopes Daehyun has been away, far from this Area. Or else, he will have _more_ issues to solve. And he really does not want to get caught in the middle, not anymore—just like Sam has just said—after The War. The War just literally changes everything.

Minutes later, Leah gets up, excusing to come home. Seth follows her. Eventually Sams leaves, after giving Yongguk a hug and assuring him everything will come in the orbit again.

“Be strong, man.” Sam says as he stands at the threshold. Yongguk is still sitting on his seat, with Junhong now replacing Sam’s previous place. Both of them look at the alpha as he continues his talk. “I know your current state. The pack knows, too.”

“I _know_.” Yongguk mumbles. “Damn these wolf senses — I never seem to have any secret anymore.”

Sam chuckles, his white teeth contrasting with his bronze skin strongly. “Don’t take that as a bother. It’s not good to keep everything to yourself all the time, you know. Let’s just share it freely and we’re always here. We do care man. Every emotion you are feeling, we feel the same. Every suffering you are struggle with, we struggle the same too. You’re not alone in this fight.”

Yongguk just wishes otherwise, somehow. But he decides not to say it out loud.

Finally, there are only Yongguk and Junhong left in the living room. Junhong does not say anything, but Yongguk is pretty sure the boy is watching him. Noting every move he takes, for nothing. It is the boy’s habit, and Yongguk never finds it annoying. It is just the way Junhong shows his care.

“Hyung.” Minutes later, Junhong slowly speaks up.

“I’m hearing, Junhongie.”

Junhong’s voice does not sound serious. “Hyung, you smell bad.”

Yongguk fights back a laugh; it is weird when he can not smell Daehyun’s scent anymore. But for Junhong’s reminder, he might even forget that he is still soaked in the vampire’s stink. “Do I?” He looks up, and now he can not help but laughs at Junhong’s crinkling nose. “Alright, I will take a bath. Maybe that will soothe the smell.”

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Junhong quietly says, resting his chin on his fist. “I was so worried. After I told Sam about your leaving, Sam ordered me to check on you. And you were _gone_. I even tried to contact you throught the wolf’s bond, but you were silent. I was freaking out.”

“I’m sorry, Junhong.” Yongguk lowers his voice in guilt. “I haven’t thought about keeping in touch with you. It’s my fault. I was exhausted.”

“I understand.” Junhong tells him. “It’s just… everyone’s glad. That you’re fine. Paul will spy around The Area. If there’s any wrong or that vampire reappears again, we will know. And then you won’t fight all by yourself anymore.” Junhong seems uneasy. “You have been fighting alone for so long, hyung.”

“Junhong, I’m not—”

“Sacrificing for the common good?” Junhong cuts Yongguk off with the quoting from Yongguk’s earlier words. He is taken aback at how stern Junhong suddenly is. “You have sacrificed too much. I know everything. You gave up your leader place for Sam. You gave up your battle with Himchan hyung for Youngjae’s willing. And now, fighting the vampire alone without calling for help. Are you just afraid of us getting involved and harmed too? It’s time you considered your own good. Anyone’s good is the whole pack’s good. Don’t give up yourself anymore. We can not save everyone if we lose to save ourselves, hyung.”

As Junhong leaves, Yongguk can not help but feels guilty towards the boy’s speech. The truth that he never really had any physical fight with a wandering vampire. But a sentimental struggle with the past with Youngjae and these unknown feelings keeping blooming whenever he thinks about, or looks at Jung Daehyun.

He is still sitting right on the couch motionlessly when his phone’s screen pops up with a notification of a new message. It is from Youngjae. Yongguk feels like it has been centuries since Youngjae last gave him any message.

He reads the message silently in his head. _r u free? i want to see you._

While typing the reply, Yongguk’s mind wanders back to the memory of his photo with Youngjae in his room, probably still pressed down the table. He realizes that hollow feeling just never really fades away, especially when it comes to Youngjae, under any form. It must take forever to fill that hole again, he supposes.

—

Two days later, Yongguk finds himself standing awkwardly in front of a coffee shop near Youngjae’s school. Youngjae had already graduated, but he said he has something to do with the principle, so he asks Yongguk if it is okay to hang out at the nearby shop. Yongguk can not agree more; it is not quite important anyway.

So here he is, wearing a regular shirt and regular jeans, but looking so irregular like an unfit piece of puzzle. Today, Forks is quite sunny; warm sunshine drops lightly on Yongguk’s shoulder, trying to calm his anxiety down. But it is not until Youngjae appears at the school gate does Yongguk can inhale normally again.

Last time Yongguk he saw Youngjae, he was still in bed with a mind clouded in pain. But the image of the boy was vivid in Yongguk’s mind; brown hair, baby face with wide eyes full of concern, full lips mumbling soft words and his palms touching Yongguk’s forehead gently, sending small electric shocks all over his torso. He remembered the feeling, and the memory of his talk with Daehyun came up. He has told Daehyun about Youngjae, about the boy being the finest aspirin for him during the transformation sickness. It is not enough. Yoo Youngjae was the aspirin of _all_ of Yongguk’s dark days.

Well, was.

Youngjae still looks the same. He still keeps his hair brown, and he still wears those old clothes. Yongguk recognizes the blueish grey shirt right away. It was Youngjae’s favorite shirt, he wore it all the time visiting Yongguk’s house at the Quileute Area during Himchan’s absence. He does not know whether Youngjae realizes it or not, as well as if there is any meaning behind this coincidence.

“Mission report: school is still shitty.” Youngjae says when walking to where Yongguk is standing. He is natural as always. “I can’t believe they still keep all of my past records. I really just want to burn down that Punishment Book or whatever.”

Yongguk chuckles. Youngjae is still _Youngjae_. “I thought you said you wanted to burn the school down. Since when did that dream shrink anyway?”

Youngjae pouts at Yongguk’s words. Yongguk can not help but laughs and reaches his hand out to rub the younger’s hair. He misses this. These small moments that awaken reminiscences of the good old days. When they were innocent and carefree, when Himchan, or the animosity between the Quileute and vampires did not exist, let alone involve. The bitterness has long gone, but the empty hole is still there; it does not become wider, or smaller. Just _there_. Enough to remind Yongguk that he once loved— _loves_ —Youngjae so much he will take a lot to get over.

The date continues with them finally get a table in the coffee shop, Youngjae rambling about his life during these days and Yongguk silently listening to and nodding at everything the boy says. Youngjae is polite; he is just nice enough to restrain himself to mention Himchan too much. Most of the time, he replaces the vampire’s name with just a simple “him”. Yongguk decides to take that as a grace.

“… And I’ve finally finished twelve seasons of Supernatural.” Youngjae says proudly, rolling the straw between his fingers. “It is funny you know? To have encountered supernaturals in real life and then watch them on TV. It’s weird. Not the same.”

“Of course. We’re not that dramatic like in movies.” Yongguk silently comments.

“Yeah well, I know you once moped around for three days straight after watching Kill Your Darling. That’s dramatic.” Youngjae counters. “But yes, movies are exaggerating. Like, I watched those episodes including werewolves and vampires and I kept thinking hey, that’s not true, they aren’t like that.”

“Maybe you should go to Hollywood and join the film crew.” Yongguk suggests.

Youngjae laughs slightly. “Yeah, I think my experience will help them a lot.”

They are silent for a while, and then Yongguk speaks up. “I’m glad I can see you again.” He confesses. “Can finally feel secure again. My head has been exposed too much since I joined my pack. At least there’s you here who can’t read my thoughts and respect my limit.”

Youngjae hums quietly and titls his head. “Me either. I just… miss you a lot. I daydream a lot these days, you know.” He admits. “About the days before, when everything hasn’t exploded yet, and we haven’t imploded either. When you were human and _he_ didn’t make his appearance. I once thought my life was so boring I might die from boredom. Then the storm came, and everything is not the same anymore.”

Yongguk does not comment anything, so the boy continues. “I was in two minds. I both miss and hope. You know the feeling that we want to both return to the old days, yet keep wanting to see tomorrow? I’m just like that. I never regret anything I did, but at the same time, I find myself wandering in nostalgia. Maybe I just didn’t enjoy the past days enough, so I always want to turn back time to feel them all again. I’m scared if everything changes, I will forget the feelings I once had.”

Yongguk suddenly wonders if they could really turn back time, Youngjae would change his mind or not. That he at least has a chance once more. Then he recalls Daehyun, and for the first time ever after the day Youngjae gave Yongguk’s heart back after breaking it into pieces, he hesitates when it comes to Youngjae.

“It has to, Youngjae.” Yongguk shakes his head, surprised at how exactly he can remember every word of Daehyun. “It can’t stand still. If it does, then that’s a curse.”

“I know.” Youngjae murmurs, sounding regretful. Then he grabs his backpack and opens it, eyes avoiding Yongguk. “That’s why I decide to give you this.”

As Yongguk watches him with confusion, Youngjae takes out from his bag a white envelope. It smells like him, the soft scent of sweet cupcakes that Yongguk always loves. He hands it over to Yongguk, and Yongguk notice how flustered the boy is when and after giving the envelope to him.

“It’s my decision.” Youngjae says, and he smiles sadly. “I recommend you to open it later, when you finally get home.”

Yongguk looks at him for a moment. He can not read anything on that pretty face. If there is any difference between the now Youngjae and the past Youngjae, it is that his expression restraining skill has improved a lot. “Alright.” Yongguk agrees to Youngjae, putting the envelope inside his coat. “I will open it at home.”

“You know that even this world falls apart, I am still here for you, don’t you?” Youngjae asks, his voice sincere. “Please never forget that. I know everything was, _is_ , my fault—”

“No, it’s not.” Yongguk shakes his head.

“It is.” Youngjae argues. “But I will do anything for you. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, the one that I’m always afraid to lose. And I honestly never want any barrel between us. I don’t mean I want us to be like in the past. But I want both of us to know we love each other really well, and never forgetting it.”

“I don’t forget, Youngjae.” Yongguk reminds the boy, who now looks so fragile as if he is going to shatter at anytime. “I never forget anything.” _And I hate it_ , Yongguk whispers in his head. That is going to be the nth thing in Bang Yongguk’s list of unspoken secrets.

When Youngjae bids him goodbye and leaves, Yongguk decides to stand still for a while and stare at Youngjae’s figure. The envelope is in his pocket, covered in Youngjae’s familiar savor. Looking at Youngjae getting further and further, Yongguk has a feeling like this is the last time he sees the boy. It is like Youngjae will be gone forever, and the envelope—and whatever inside it—is the last piece of memoir about him.

And yes, Yongguk’s sense is _always_ right.

When he gets back home, Junhong is there, lazily lying on the couch and scrolling through his SNS timeline. As he opens the door, Junhong sits up immediately, leaving the phone on the couch.

“Another walk?” Junhong asks, but Yongguk waves his hand as a signal of silence. He is shuffling off his coat when the envelope falls out of the pocket, and Junhong raises an eyebrow at the paper. “That’s…”

Yongguk ignores the boy. He picks up the envelope, slowly opens it with caution. The paper inside the envelope is red and thick. There’s Youngjae handwriting on it, Yongguk can recognize easily; the handwriting is beautiful, Youngjae must have written it in extreme patience.

But that does not prevent Yongguk from throwing the card right back to where the envelope once was. Does not prevent Yongguk from furrowing his forehead, and the next moment, the world is spinning. Even Junhong’s voice seems so far away, as if he has been casted off this planet, to the floating universe, where no one will find out his shattered heart and broken soul.

Forks is raining when Yongguk opens the door once more and slams it right after stepping out. He does not care. The anger is burning him alive to the very core; he feels hot to the point that every raindrop falling on his body might be boiled to extreme. In the flood of bursting emotions, he transforms, and he keeps running. Yongguk does not want to hear, to sense, or to _feel_ anything. He shuts up his system, refusing his pack, and runs into The Forest. He does not even care if anyone sees his wolf form. Let them. Let them. He has screwed up everything and one more trouble is not the case right now.

He runs, with Daehyun’s words whispering in the back of his furious mind. As if they are the engine urging him to get further from Forks. Daehyun, slim and beautiful and naïve and thoughtful, the one whose words are the only way to stop Yongguk from falling down to the abyss of despair and misery. _I feel sorry for you. You can win any battle, yet you surrendered to a sentimental one. It’s pathetic._ Daehyun, curled up and small and wistful, sitting by the river at midnight, so pale he seems like glowing despite his unusual skin of light copper. _You gave up. Gave up on Youngjae, and worse, yourself. Are you comfortable with that? Running away._

_Space._ Daehyun’s voice is soothing in Yongguk’s memory. Where is he running to? He doesn’t know. It seems like he is getting lost now, and he is okay with that. He lets Daehyun’s voice guide his way. _It’s luxurious. Beyond our ability. Now and then, everywhere we go, people will always surround us. There’s no space in this world. Even when you came to The Forest, I was there._ Among the anger, the fire that is eating him out alive, he finds himself building a small ray of hope at those recalling words. He wishes Daehyun was _here_.

_We can never find a true space for us, ever._

—

By the time Junhong takes up the envelope that his brother has thrown to the floor and goes out, Yongguk is already gone. The left scent is faint and blurry, as if Yongguk has intentionally messed it up in order for him not to be founded. The pouring rain just makes it harder for Junhong to detect Yongguk exactly.

He looks down at the card that Yongguk has dropped. It smells like Youngjae. All the words are written by hand. There are designed patterns, decorated with golden glitters. And there are two names. _Yoo Youngjae and Kim Himchan_ , it reads.

_Together with their families, request the honor of your presence, at the celebration of their marriage._

Junhong counts silently; there’s only a week left to the date written on the card.

Abruptly, there echoes a deep howl, loud and painful, cutting through the rain sound and twisting together with the wind spreading all over the place like a tornado. As if it is trying to cover the whole Forks with the pain of its owner, sweeping away everything and leaving behind broken remains.

—

Yongguk runs.

He runs as fast as he can. He imagines there are vampires behind him, and he has to run for the sake of his own life. Then Yongguk realizes even if there are real vampires chasing him, eventually he will turn back and stabs the creatures with his own wolf claws.

The rain is still pouring, making his fur damp and the whole Forest wettened. Yongguk knows he is lost; it is not a new feeling anyway, he has been lost all his life—his _fucked up_ life. One more is not the case. He wonders why he can never apply that for his love life, for Yoo Youngjae.

The Forest seems different today. Is it because of the rain? Or heartbreak does affect on one’s sight? Every tree seems new, even broken branches and fallen leaves on the ground are so weird. The scent is normal. Yongguk concludes it must be his own delusional mind.

This is going nowhere. Yongguk knows.

Again, he can never be alone for real.

Yongguk sees it before he senses the smell. Needling its way through the forest to run parallel with him, there comes a black shadow with a faint familiar scent that Yongguk recognizes right away. He hisses at the realization, yet still keeps running forward.

Daehyun. Daehyun is here.

Yongguk does not need to identify more; Daehyun speaks up and it is truly him. 

“Yongguk?” Daehyun asks uncertainly, and then he shouts louder. “Yongguk!”

Well, at least his secret dream has came true. Yongguk ducks to avoid a huge tree, and speeds up. The rain has already stopped, but the surrounding is still foggy. The Forest seems endless, an arena for the two of them to chase each other.

“Yongguk, what are you doing?” He hears Daehyun scream, but he gives the boy no reply. “Stop! It’s me!”

_I know_ , Yongguk silently says in the back of his mind. But then he remembers Daehyun is not a shape-shifter. He can not read his thoughts. He does not know how to react to that fact — relieved, because he can feel safe again, not with someone he has to bother like Youngjae. Or furious, because it _directly_ reminds him of Youngjae.

“Stop running! Do you hear me?” Daehyun is still shouting. The boy is patient, and persistent; he can still keep pace with Yongguk. In his blurry sight, he can not see Daehyun clearly, but he vaguely gets his basic features: black usual cloak, brown hair, full lips and concerned—yet shining—red eyes. Daehyun is concerned. A vampire, from the Volturri, is worried about Yongguk, a damn werewolf. What a burlesque. “Yongguk, please, I don’t want to do this…”

The later words come out sound like a plead. But the pain keeps pressing Yongguk to run, faster and faster, away from this world. He can not feel his legs anymore, only following his instinct. He grits his teeth, holding the heavy hole in his heart, his back burning as if he is carrying all the sorrow of this world on it. This needs to stop. He has to stop. But his mind keeps visualizing the red invitation card falling from the white envelope, and the name Youngjae placing right next to _Kim Himchan_. And the word _marriage_.

All of a sudden, a ray of physical sharp pain flashes through his body, and Yongguk falls down. The world is spinning around him, once again, going upside down and then stands still.

Daehyun is panting when he crawls closer to him. His hair is soaking, some droplets falls down onto Yongguk’s fur, making him shiver slightly. The pain has long gone, but the aftershock takes longer than Yongguk thought. His breath is heavy and unsteady, his vision is alternatively blurry and clear, and there is no warmth around. Only the wetness of the ground where he is lying, and the coldness from Daehyun’s shy touch. It is fine to him, though; Forks is not supposed to have such kind of _warmth_ anyway.

“Yongguk?” Daehyun calls his name again, his voice sorry and out of breath. He presses his hands against the wolf’s neck clumsily, as if he is not sure where a wolf’s heart is placed. “Are you okay?”

_Obviously not_ , Yongguk wants to reply, but his mouth gives out nothing but a ragged exhale.

“Please, Yongguk.” Daehyun is using that pleading tone again. “I’m sorry, okay? I was hopeless. I didn’t mean to do _this_. But at that point, it’s the only way I can find out to stop you. Why are you running away again?” He lowers his head, so close his hair can almost brush against Yongguk’s chin. “Why in the wolf form? You don’t want to talk, do you?”

Yongguk still says nothing. Instead, he shifts his palm closer to Daehyun’s hands. He rubs Daehyun’s soft hair with his chin gently, his eyes looking up to the gloomy sky above. Everything is irretrievable now. There is no turning back.

At first, Daehyun is frozen. Slowly, he let himself relax and lies down the ground full of wet dead leaves, his face facing Yongguk. He does not say anything when Yongguk presses his chin down on his hair, even slip his head in the fur of Yongguk’s neck. His hand still touches the wolf’s palm. Daehyun is cold; Yongguk feels like he is laying next to an iceberg. But the best treatment to numb a grieving injury is an ice pack. Yongguk can get used to this. He is good at adjusting to different circumstances.

Their position at the moment is awkward, and somehow uncomfortable too. But Daehyun does not complain anything. As Yongguk is silent, the vampire makes his own monologue. Yongguk knows Daehyun is trying his best to keep his voice stable, because he can hear small hiccups Daehyun is hiding by lowering his voice whenever they suddenly come out his mouth.

“You don’t know, do you? That’s my vampiric ability. Aro once told me he chose me because he thought that would be potential and powerful, meeting exactly what the Volturri needed.” Yongguk feels Daehyun’s hand clench into a fist, but he releases right after. “The _pain_. It’s my ultimate power. I can hurt people just by creeping into their minds and disseminating the thought that they’re in pain. The intensity depends on me, how much painful I want them to feel.”

Yongguk remembers that short moment when he feels the pain, sharp and numb and shocking, enough to crack him down like an useless puppet. Daehyun did it. He was forced to do it because Yongguk was reckless. “I’ve been doing this for centuries. Because of me and another warrior — we are a due, the strongest warriors of The Volturri — The Clan has defeated every rebel easily.” His hair rub against Yongguk’s chin softly, like he is trying to shift his position. “I’m not supposed to do this, Yongguk.”

_I know_. Yongguk looks blankly at the Forest around them. His voice is still lost.

Daehyun seems like he knows what Yongguk wants to say; he shakes his head. “Both of this. Hurt you and everyone. I never mean to. Shit, I forgot I am a Volturri, really.” He exhales a breathless laugh. “I was once sadistic. Yeah yeah laugh whatever. But watching people in pain was one of my pleasure. Youngjae hates me, because I tortured Himchan and I thought that was fun. A limited pleasure. The pain doesn’t last long and is unimportant. Dealing with the aftershock is the only one matter. Then,” Yongguk feels the boy curl up. “I started to fear. This.”

“I tortured a vampire girl in The War.” Daehyun confesses. “You had already left by that time. The girl’s name was… Bree? I don’t remember much. I tortured her to gain some information. And after that—the rule is the rule—she had to be killed. Dmitri did it, not me. But after that, I returned to Volterra… and I asked myself. A lot.”

“I remembered how the Kims looked at me. Disgust, fear, other negative feelings that I’m too lazy to list. I realized those are the feelings that people always look at me with, too. I felt bad. That’s not what I really want.” Daehyun’s cool breath blows Yongguk’s fur lightly. “I was scared. Sometimes I convinced myself I didn’t mean to do it, it was the inner monster did it. But I realized it’s really me anyway. We vampires don’t need to breathe. But I started building a habit of breathing, cause I think it would make me feel more human, somehow.”

Yongguk imagines what if Daehyun was a human. His skin will be that olive color, and his eyes—he can not bring himself to imagine Daehyun’s eyecolor, the red color seems like haunting him—and he would feel warm. Not an iceberg anymore.

Then, Yongguk recalls Youngjae. Youngjae is a human, though. If Daehyun was like Youngjae, would everything turn out to be like this, with Daehyun laying right next to him, unafraid of him despite their different kinds?

Yongguk does not want to risk that. Maybe this is better. Daehyun is an iceberg, and Yongguk is just some running away Titanic. He needs a crash to stop.

“How are you feeling right now, Yongguk?” Daehyun’s voice is slow. He leans his head closer to Yongguk’s neck, and they are unafraid of each other. They ate the most forbidden fruit, and the only thing finds them is serenity only. Right now, right here, in The Forest. Yongguk with a broken heart, and Daehyun with a broken soul. “What are you thinking? Why are you running away? Was that because of Yoo Youngjae? Why did you refuse everything?” Yongguk’s legs meet Daehyun’s cloak, and it feels so real. Not that tickling feeling when his fur touches something itchy anymore.

Daehyun is closing his eyes. He seems like sleeping, with his lips parted and his eyebrows furrowed. But he is real, and close to Yongguk. Slowly, one of his hand which was touching Yongguk’s palm moves, and the boy stiffens.

Quickly, he opens his eyes. The red color matched Yongguk’s earlier memories about him. His face is beautiful as always, the wild vibe that covering his insecurity inside, which Yongguk doubts he is the only one Daehyun ever shows.

“Yongguk?” Daehyun mumbles, his voice unbelievable. “You transformed back?”

“Not that of a big deal, really.” Yongguk finally speaks up. His voice is more calm that he thought. “Now, excuse me, I need to wear some clothes.”

Daehyun immediately reacts to that. “What?” He widens his eyes in confusion, and then realization blooms in his red eyes. He quickly put his hands up, covering away his eyes, even shifting his lying position to avoid looking at Yongguk. Yongguk has to fight back a laugh at how cute the boy is when embarrassing.

Maybe if Daehyun was a human, he would flush. But Yongguk realizes he does not need that statement to come true anyway.

_end._


End file.
